Jeremy, I really enjoyed your personal story. Very well written. I'm glad to hear that you're starting college. A mind (and a talented one at that) is a terrible thing to waste.
Though I'm older than you, I could really identify with the conflict you felt over your love and talent with art. I, too, went through similar thinking about a career in the arts. I believe your avatar is one of Rembrandt's self-portraits, is that correct?
So, gotta know -- are you back into the paints, pencils, brushes, and all those self-expressive media? Hope so!
When I was in high school I also received awards for my paintings and sculpture. I was always known as the class artist. Also, I was a skilled guitarist and songwriter (wrote a song for a band that was made into a record and -- to my elation -- was actually played on the radio). I also did a lot of writing -- I wrote a play which was produced during my senior year. Yet, with each success I received negative feedback from the congregation. I felt bad. Felt I was pleasing myself and men -- and not God.
Why is it that artists are viewed with such suspicion among Jehovah's Witnesses? Somehow, in my experience anyway, it's all related to that forbidden "love of the world." Creativity is passion that is beyond the control of the Society. That old "where your treasure is -- there your heart is also." And, of course, one couldn't trust the heart since it was "treacherous."
This began to create mixed feelings within me, because I had a natural talent and passion for art. I was already excelling at school in the area of art and was beginning to gain the recognition of teachers for my abilities. I tried to alleviate my dissonance by telling myself that I could wait to be a professional artist in the new system. In the new system,
Well, I made my choices and, now, I can only move forward. And forward is where I desire to look.
Wishing you the very best, Jeremy, with an exciting and creative future!
Ted